Just in time for the holidays, we’ve compiled a list of 2018’s funniest festive tweets. We hope these kick off your weekend with just the right amount of laughter!
My kids overheard me call our Christmas tree a thirsty bitch when I was filling its stand with water
— Travis W. Griswold (@Prof_Hinkley) December 2, 2018
MY SON: "Daddy, is Santa Claus God?"
ME: "No baby, Beyoncé is."
— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) December 7, 2014
My favorite part of the Sleigh Ride song is all the whipping. You assume it’s for the horse, but there’s no way to know for sure.
— madds (@whatmaddness) December 3, 2018
me at xmas vs. my bank account at xmas pic.twitter.com/0sF9qPfwv0
— Call Me By My @ (@NotAgainBen) November 21, 2018
Someone just wished me “Happy Holidays” and I was so offended. How DARE someone assume I’d ever want to be happy.
— merry christmark and hoppus new year (@markhoppus) December 2, 2018
“I really can’t stay“
Baby, it’s cold outside
“My Uber’s on its way”
Ok, that’s cool, actually… I thought I was going to have to give you a ride
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 19, 2018
Kids: We are making you a Christmas gift!
Me: Oh, that is so sweet-
K: *pull out paint*
Me: You really don’t-
K: *pull out glue*
Me: Really, guys, I don’t need-
K: *pull out glitter*
Me: Christmas is cancelled.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 3, 2018
anybody: i love this time of year!
me: you mean you ove it
me: cause there's Noel
— 🎅🦌 merry christmoose 🦌🎅 (@tiemoose) December 3, 2018
Her: I really can’t stay 🎶
Me, an introvert: aw that’s too bad
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) December 5, 2018
I told my kids there's no Santa.
I don't want them to have an unrealistic world view.
Now they know all their gifts come from Batman.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2015